Tina Fey ‘Couldn’t Give’ Virginity Away

Posted in Most recent with tags , , on October 15, 2009 by onebev1

The real sad part about this is that Tina Fey and David Letterman keep referring to 22 and 24 as being old to lose your virginity. Then they both made fun of the fact that she lost her virginity to her husband on their wedding night. What’s wrong with that? It used to be a good thing to wait until you got married. My Lord people, what has the world come to? 

Tina Fey ‘Couldn’t Give’ Virginity Away

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Trying To Be a Mommy Without Losing Myself.

Posted in Most recent, Uncategorized with tags , , , on October 4, 2009 by onebev1

When did I get to the point of having to convince myself that I’m worth taking two minutes to brush my teeth? Yes, there are many days when I go back and forth in my mind trying to prioritize brushing my teeth now with either ironing my daughter’s clothes, making her lunch, giving her a bath, or anything else on my list; because, there might not be time to do it all and I must be true to my child. She’s the most important thing here. I can’t fail her. But guess what? The irony is, she’s  following my “example” and trying to do exactly what I do. No surprise-afterall, I am her mommy.  Do I want her to grow up with a lack of self worth or pride because I can’t manage any at the moment?  Where are the simpler days, when all I had to worry about was who I would go out with, or how good I would look, or how I could help someone else, or just worry about myself? Oh what a self-centered complainer I was when I begged God to “let me be of need to someone–I just wanted to be needed.” Now my daughter needs me more than ever to just be her mother, and I can’t manage that. I want to rally for  my causes , or take long baths, or read a book, or anything else that I want to do. But I can’t fail my daughter. I love her so much and she needs me. And afterall isn’t that what I asked God for? Just to be needed? And she did save my life…

What’s The World Coming To?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on October 1, 2009 by onebev1

So my hair doesn’t look the best it’s looked. So I’m not a “babe” like I was 20 years ago. Does that mean you have the right to jump in front of me in line at the pump? I was getting ready to pay at the gas station ATM machine, when this man gave me a half-assed, weak “let me go first” smile, as he raced in front of me! Hey look, I’m a single mom (which in my case means the sperm donor never manned up after tricking me into getting pregnant–oh yeah, it can happen and I’ll elaborate on that at another time–and the help I get from my mom usually frazzles me to the point of slow, seeping, guileingly clever, insanity…so, I’m doing it alone) with an 11-year-old who trys to run the show. OK, she IS running the show! I’m not good at this. I admit that. I don’t brush my teeth everyday. I haven’t showered in months and I only wash-up every couple of days. SO WHAT. I still have a soul. Inside of me beats a heart of memories and best times and old loves and triumphs. I’m still breathing. And while I’m here, let me be seen. Don’t gloss over me. please.

Chaos

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on September 28, 2009 by onebev1

I couldn’t find my camera for months. I finally found it–when I was looking for something else. I’ve been trying not to procrastinate anymore.  So I decided to set my computer for TV reception after having it for over a year, only to discover that it didn’t have all the accessories it was supposed to come with. (Good luck getting any of that stuff now since it’s out of warranty.) And in the same spirit of not procrastinating, I also decided to finally learn to upload photos from my digital camera after having it for  almost a year. That went great! So easy, why did I avoid it for so long? I also decided to hook up my All In One system to my computer. I’m too ashamed to say how long I’ve had it without connecting to computer. But I have used it just for faxing and copying. Anyway, now I can’t find the USB cable that it’s supposed to have, except that I’m not sure if my model connects with a USB or not because I can’t find the manual for it. But if it does connect with a USB, I’m sure I don’t have it.

I’m Back

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on September 26, 2009 by onebev1

So I saw JL the other night, and now I have a crush on him. Whereas before it was all about the music and the singing and the talent…but now there’s more. I suppose I should thank him because I feel like I’m becoming me again, for the first time in 11 years. Who knew becoming a mother could make you lose so much of yourself? I used to really know who I was and now, I’m just starting to find out again. There’s only so much time to do it. I have to start now or I’ll still be saying what I’m going to do next time, the next time. This is the next time. And everybody else seems to be doing it so much better than me. Why is that? I love my child just as much as they love theirs.

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