Archive for feeling guilty

Trying To Be a Mommy Without Losing Myself.

Posted in Most recent, Uncategorized with tags , , , on October 4, 2009 by onebev1

When did I get to the point of having to convince myself that I’m worth taking two minutes to brush my teeth? Yes, there are many days when I go back and forth in my mind trying to prioritize brushing my teeth now with either ironing my daughter’s clothes, making her lunch, giving her a bath, or anything else on my list; because, there might not be time to do it all and I must be true to my child. She’s the most important thing here. I can’t fail her. But guess what? The irony is, she’s  following my “example” and trying to do exactly what I do. No surprise-afterall, I am her mommy.  Do I want her to grow up with a lack of self worth or pride because I can’t manage any at the moment?  Where are the simpler days, when all I had to worry about was who I would go out with, or how good I would look, or how I could help someone else, or just worry about myself? Oh what a self-centered complainer I was when I begged God to “let me be of need to someone–I just wanted to be needed.” Now my daughter needs me more than ever to just be her mother, and I can’t manage that. I want to rally for  my causes , or take long baths, or read a book, or anything else that I want to do. But I can’t fail my daughter. I love her so much and she needs me. And afterall isn’t that what I asked God for? Just to be needed? And she did save my life…